


Lemon Cookies

by Atumun15



Series: Dark Beginnings with Light Endings [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Semi Slow Burn, and his grand mother's love, chan is whipped, changbin just wants some lemon cookies, kind of angsty in some places, kind of cracky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-15 07:19:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16058243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atumun15/pseuds/Atumun15
Summary: Chan was comfort and Changbin was poison. So how the hell did they come together?Music and… lemon cookies.





	Lemon Cookies

Ever since uni, Changbin and Chan were a duo that was entirely unexpected but attached at the hip otherwise. Changbin was the kid who looked as if he didn't give two shits about anything or anyone except for Han Jisung, his best friend. And Chan… well, his deep eye bags, baggy hoodies, exhausted smiles and love for music were his trademark. Chan was comfort and Changbin was poison. So how the hell did they come together?

 

Music and… lemon cookies.

 

Changbin lived with his grandmother. It wasn't as if he couldn't move out, but his grandmother might have been his favorite person in the world and he didn't mind taking care of her when she made such good food and gave him a free place to live. Changbin has always been rewarded with his grandmother's delicious lemon cookies that not quite anyone could master, but he fell in love with all the same. Sure, Changbin knew how to make them, knew the recipe like it was tattooed into his brain, but when they weren't made by his grandmother… then they just weren't the same. Changbin, even to this day, still strongly believes that whenever his back was turned, his grandmother added some secret ingredient she won't tell him but when confronted, she gasped dramatically and claimed "Lemon cookies are about love, Binnie! That's the only secret ingredient to any of this!" And Perhaps, it was true.

 

Changbin had been on his way to the library to study for his exams in between lessons when he met Chan for the first time. Unsurprisingly, it had been the cliche "bumping into the other on accident and send not only the items in their arms to the ground but their bodies." Except, it wasn't apologies flying around, it was half-hearted curses and insults at the other that truly didn't mean anything; the two were just frustrated. Additionally, they picked up the others things and mixed it with their own that even made a bigger mess, but soon, after five minutes of just sitting in the corridor and sorting everything out, the two were set to leave. All until Chan's eyes locked on the container of Lemon cookies and drool began to pool on the tip of his tongue. "Are those lemon cookies?" He sounded breathy, dreamy even and Changbin flushed.

 

"Uh Yeah. Homemade. Grandmothers recipe." Changbin uttered shyly before opening the container and offering the elder one.

 

"These aren't poisoned are they?"

 

"It's not as if I carry poison around with me, but nice to know the lack of faith, Hyung."

 

And then the rest was history.

 

Now, it was three years after Uni, and the two were business partners of a small music production company. However, not much had changed. Chan's health still relies heavily on Changbin and Changbin still lived with his grandmother who made Lemon cookies regularly. This particular Friday morning was no doubt different from the rest and Changbin was head deep in the apartment washer and transferring everything to the dryer when Chan came stumbling around the apartment. "Bin?" The elder croaked out as if he were surprised Changbin was there despite knowing the younger had a key to his apartment. Changbin let out a shriek, hitting his head on the washer when he jumped away and let out a whimper. Chan let out snickers but came forward to cradle Changbin's head between his arms and stroking the bump along the back of Changbin's head.

 

"Hey, asshole." His grumbles, while probably would have intimidated anyone else, were entirely adorable to Chan and the elder chuckled lowly before pressing a sloppy, obnoxious kiss to the spot of pain on Changbin's head before separating completely. "Tough night out partying?" Chan let out a scoff.

"Right. If you count a six pack of Red Bulls and a portable music production system a party." Chan muttered bitterly, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes. "What are you doing here, anyway?" Chan's voice was still thick with sleep when he leaned back against the doorway of the small laundry room and let out a loud yawn.

 

"What does it look like, Hyung? I'm doing your laundry." Changbin snickered, closing the dryer door and turning it on. "There's coffee in the kitchen." Chan let out a satisfied grunt.

 

"What would I do without you?" Chan sighed but let out a groan when Changbin shoved the basket of warm, clean clothes into his chest, holding it there for a moment to stare up at him with a smirk.

 

"Well… you would either be sleep deprived, starving, unhygienic, dead and or deprived of Nana's amazing Lemon Cookies." And then Chan was shoved back out into the hallway so Changbin could slip past him and into the kitchen. Chan stared after him with a fond smile Changbin was oblivious to but wished he would have witnessed later.

 

"How is she by the way?" Chan inquired with interest, following Changbin into the kitchen and setting the laundry basket into the now clean dining table to fold the clothes inside. Changbin simply shrugged.

 

"She's doing better. Has a lot more energy lately." Chan hummed in content at the thought of the woman being lively and well. "She misses you, though. Always bothering me about inviting you over." Changbin shook his head but Chan didn't miss the fondness in the man's eyes when speaking of his grandmother. And if Chan were completely honest as well, he missed her too.

 

"Is this your way of inviting me without actually inviting me?" But boy, did Chan love to tease him.

 

"And if it was?"

 

Chan came up behind Changbin, resting his chin on the youngest shoulder and dragging his attention away from the fridge and to him. "I'd say I'll be there at 6 and that you need to work on your nice gestures." Chan's comment earned him a quick elbow to the rib before the elder backed away with a grunt mixed with a cackle.

 

"Go drink your coffee and fold your clothes. I'm going to head out." Changbin grumbled, stuffing an apple in his mouth and heading towards the elder. Chan wrapped a strong arm around Changbin's shoulder and offered him a half hug. "6 a clock right?" Changbin confirmed, pointing a finger at him as he nibbled on his apple. Chan simply smiled and nodded before Changbin went darting out of Chan's apartment complex, and into his car. Changbin was quick to call his grandmother to let her know that Chan was coming over that night. "Hey, Nana." Changbin greeted, holding the phone on speaker half a foot away from his mouth as he waited at a stop light.

 

"Hello, Binnie. Is there something wrong?"

 

"No, no. I just wanted to tell you that Chan was coming over for dinner tonight." Changbin could hear her dramatically gasp in panic.

 

"Changbin you silly, silly boy! You can't just short notice me! I have to clean the house and prepare a meal -" Changbin snorted.

 

"Nana, it's just Channie Hyung. It's not anyone new." It was silent for a moment, Changbin snickering when the woman let out a huff.

 

"You're right, you're right. Ah, such a nice boy. I missed him."

"He missed you too, Nana."

 

"Well, I'm going to let you go then. Don't work too hard!"

 

"Bye, nana, I love you."

 

"I love you too, baby."

 

It was hard to explain the amount of love Changbin held for his grandmother, as the woman raised him and always made sure he felt loved. Despite her religious viewings and the way she was raised, she never once turned her back on Changbin, even when he came out as bisexual. In fact, the woman was excited, as she tried to set him up with a few of the boys she met throughout the day on a regular basis not long after. It was endearing, but entirely embarrassing at the same time. He still loved her dearly though, and he was happy her and Chan got along so well.

 

Because even if Changbin didn't have anyone romantically, he had Chan, and that's all he could ever ask for.

 

When Changbin arrived at their shared production studio, he was rather caught off guard to find a familiar blond waiting around outside, fidgeting and plump lips sealed shut. Changbin tried to come off as casual as he could when he approached the familiar man, and he prayed that it worked. "Hey, Felix. What do you need?" Changbin offered the younger a soft smile to calm the fidgeting boy's nerves. Felix flinched slightly and his left eye twitched like it normally did, but the bright-eyed blond offered him an equally bright smile.

 

"I was hoping I could talk to you." For context, this was completely odd and out of the blue. Sure, the two knew each other, but it was purely by association and second-hand association at that. Chan knew Woojin who was dating Felix, and Felix knew Changbin through Woojin who knew Jisung who knew Changbin. The two were, of course, friends, but not in the sense of hanging out or talking outside of the group. But that didn't make it weird or unpleasant. Changbin quite liked Felix. "If that's okay." Felix quickly interjected before Changbin could even open his mouth to give him an answer.

 

"Of course, come in. We can talk in the studio." Changbin insisted and guided Felix inside after unlocking the door with a hand respectively on the middle of his back. Felix seemed relieved by this and appreciative of Changbin's touch of comfort. The two remained quiet during the duration of the elevator ride up but it hadn't been awkward. They knew there was nothing for them to really talk about so there was an agreement there. "So, what is it?" Changbin wondered the moment they were both settled in one of the two production studios, offering the boy a lopsided smile. Felix twiddled his thumbs nervously.

 

"I-I know I'm not the best fit for this but I -." Felix paused and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, looking as if he was ready to back out and walk away from the studio in embarrassment but Changbin grabbed his hand in comfort, coaxing him to keep talking. "I really want to be an idol. It's been something I've wanted to do for a while and I love to dance, rap, and sing, and I just…" Felix trailed off in embarrassment when he realized that he was rambling and looked anywhere but Changbin's eyes. The elder chuckled lowly and grabbed a stack of papers from his production desk and straightened them out so he could think for a moment. It was surprising, yes, but Felix had potential.

 

"It's not a bad dream to have. You have potential. We'll have to work on some stuff of course, but that's what trainee years are for. I'll have to speak to Chan about signing you and seeing if you're fit, but I think you have a lot of potentials." Seeing Felix's eyes light up like Christmas lights made Changbin's heart swell because he knew what Felix had experienced for a good portion of his life was scarring so he was proud Felix was letting it affect his future. Flix was trying to push forward. "...but, if you're free today, I can see what you're made of and give you some proper critiquing so you're ready for when Chan observes you."  

 

Changbin was simply met with a hug and giggles of excitement.

 

The elder wasn't all too surprised to find out that Felix was talented as all hell. Of course, there were things he needed to work on such as pitch control, pronunciation, and keeping a steady voice during a performance, but that wasn't anything time and practice couldn't fix. However, Changbin was, in fact, pleasantly surprised to find that Felix was a pretty good lyricist and a music producer in the making. Changbin found himself excited to tell Chan about the gold mine that showed up on their front doorstep that morning. "You're really good. You just might have a chance, Lee Felix." Changbin grinned as he farewelled the younger at the front door of the studio.

 

"Thank you so much for this, Changbin hyung," Felix whispered into Changbin's neck, having tackled him into a tight bear hug. Changbin couldn't bring himself not to hug back, even if he really wasn't into skinship with anyone besides Jisung or Nana.

 

"No problem, kid. Now go home before Woojin sends a search party out for you." Changbin shooed him out through the door before escaping back up to the training studio where a few of their trainees had been. Changbin always tried his best to observe them and act as more of an advisor than a boss, and it seemed like his trainees appreciated that, especially since Chan was a practical mole who only came out once on a blue moon. However, even when he did, Chan treated them as if he were a trainee himself and acted as more of a friend as well. His trainees seemed happy and well treated, so Changbin and Chan were content. Changbin just hoped Felix could come out of that hard, indestructible shell he's been forced in for far too long once he gets there.

 

6 a clock got there too quickly for Changbin's liking, the man was barely settled when knocks came at the door and Changbin just lets out a deep groan. "Channie Hyung! Just let yourself in!" Changbin whined from the couch, his grandmother snickering from the kitchen over her loud, old music that Changbin adored with every fiber of his being. It hadn't taken long for Chan to come in through the back door and scowl at Changbin when the younger let his head roll back to face him. "Hey, hyung." Changbin grinned lazily and Chan came up to smack him lightly on the forehead. Changbin just pouted and rubbed the skin there.

 

"You're so lazy, Bin, Jesus," Chan grumbled before escaping into the kitchen. "Hey, Nana." Chan greeted the slight dancing woman with a wide, giddy grin and Changbin's grandmother swiveled on her feet to face him. Chan let out a deep laugh, dimples on show when the woman surged forward and clasped her practical second grandson into a tight hug.

 

"Channie, my boy, it's been so long!" The woman exclaimed, pulling back so just her frail hands were clasped around his biceps. "You've grown so much, but are you sleeping? You look so exhausted, boy." The woman pointed out, worry creasing her forehead and Chan laughed softly, shaking his head.

 

"No, no, Nana. Just a large workload."

 

"You and Binnie, always working too much." The woman gripped before turning back to the food cooking over the stove. "Go get him. Supper is ready." The woman shooed him out of the kitchen and Chan was quick to hover over the younger with a smirk. Changbin peeped up at him, a slight cautious scowl lining his features as he eyed the elder wearily.

 

"Dinner's ready, get up," Chan ordered but Changbin just grumbled and shook his head. "Come on, Binnie." Chan teased, emphasizing the last name but Changbin was entirely unbothered.

 

"I'm numb to your ways now, Bang." Changbin slurred as he waved a slim pointer finger in the air, and Chan reached forward to flick it harshly. Changbin whimpered and pulled his finger to his chest, an obvious dramatic pout on his lips and glared up at his Hyung. "You're mean," Changbin whined like some sort of small child and Chan grabbed him by the biceps to pull him up onto his feet. Changbin let out a mix of a grunt and a whimper and Chan's ears grew hot at the sound of it. "Fine then, have it your way." Changbin stuck out his tongue and bounded into the dining room, humming in pleasure when he saw all the food laid out. "It looks great, nana."

 

"I sure hope it does, you hit me pretty last minute with the news that Channie was coming over." She muttered, pointing an accusing spatula in Changbin's direction who just simply put his hands up in surrender.

 

"Can't blame our Binnie too much, nana. I was the one who told him I was coming over tonight." Chan interfered, playfully, and rested a hand on Changbin's shoulder. The elder gave it a gentle squeeze and Changbin ignored the way his heart beat erratically at his touch. "Now, let's eat." Chan grinned and nudged Changbin over to his chair and sitting down across from him as Nana situated herself between them at the head of the table. They all made conversation, Changbin laughing so hard at one point that he had to leave the room for a few minutes to calm down.

 

But that didn't work out too well as when he came back and saw Chan, he had to leave again because he couldn't stop laughing.

 

Now, they sat in a comfortable silence, still at the table, but now munching on lemon cookies. "So I finished mixing that new song, hopefully, I can get The Boyz to start recording within the next few days," Chan informed the younger through a mouthful of cookie. Changbin scowled when he saw the mess Chan was creating and threw a few napkins in his direction.

 

"Wipe your face, you're so messy," Changbin grumbled before speaking. "I also have something to talk to you about later." Nana quirked her eyebrow up at that, lips pursed and arms crossed over her chest.

 

"Right… right. Don't tell the old woman who practically raised you." Giggles filled the room as Changbin sunk down in his chair. He figured it wouldn't hurt. Who was the woman to tell? Hell, she might even give them some proper advice.

 

"You remember Felix right? Woojin's Felix?" Chan nodded slowly. "He showed up at the studio this morning. He wants to be an idol." Chan choked on the cookie in his mouth, sparing he younger boggled eyes and making hand gestures as if to say ‘continue' "he's a practical gold mine, Hyung. Sure, his social skills aren't always the best, and he's been through a lot, but he sings, raps, and dances very well." Chan's surprise was rather obvious but Changbin couldn't say he blamed him. "There are things we need to work with but it's not as if time and practice won't fix it. He could be really big." The way Changbin spoke gave off a feeling of fondness that made Chan's stomach churn uncomfortably.

 

"Right, well, I'll have to observe him, but I couldn't see why we couldn't bring him on if he's got you impressed." Chan breathed and Changbin grinned, having the urge to reach over and hold the elder in a tight hug but ignored it for the time being. It would be odd if he did, so Changbin simply offered the elder a smile and small thank you in return. "Should we watch a few movies?" Chan quickly broke the silence and Changbin nodded his head eagerly.

 

"Nana, go pick a movie, please? I'll do the dishes." Changbin attempted to persuade but the woman didn't need much of it. She laughed softly and nodded her head, escaping back into the lounge after patting her grandson's hair. Changbin hadn't expected Chan to follow him into the kitchen to help with the dishes, but he couldn't say he was all that surprised either. "I'll wash, you dry." Chan didn't make any complaints so Changbin went ahead and started.

 

Much like everything else, the two didn't take it quite so seriously. With Nana's music playing, the two swayed lightly while letting out a few giggles here and there. Occasionally, they would even bump hips jokingly; the most important part, though, was that Chan just made boring tasks so much more bearable and Changbin was thankful for that. "Come on. Nana's waiting." Chan nudged Changbin out of the kitchen with a few gentle bum slaps and Changbin elbowed him in the ribs with a scowl.

 

"Hands to yourself, Bang." Changbin waves a finger in his face, flinching when Chan reached out to bite it, teeth closing with a clack. "Yah!" Changbin grunted And shoves the elder away before collapsing onto the couch. His nana was sat in her normal armchair, Coraline ready to play on the screen and Changbin let out a cheer. He loved Coraline. It wasn't long after that Chan settled down beside him and the movie started playing. Changbin watched, entirely enthralled and entirely oblivious to the way Chan was staring at him throughout the movie. But as soon as the credits rolled, his grandmother got up from her chair and threw a blanket their way. "Do you need help getting to bed, nana?" Changbin wondered but Nana waved her hand dismissively.

 

"No, no, Binnie, I'll be fine. Goodnight, boys."

 

"Goodnight, nana." They farewelled in sync and turned towards the other with gentle smiles.

 

"Another movie?" Chan wondered and Changbin shrugged.

 

"You chose, I'm too comfortable." Changbin murmured, cheek squished against the armrest of the couch and curled up in the corner so his feet pressed against the side of Chan's thighs. This was a normal position for the two of them, once on a blue moon with Chan massaging his legs at the same time that made Changbin's heart pump erratically. The elder laughed and shook his head, but got up anyways. In the back of his head, Changbin whimpered mentally at the lost of contact, but of course, that never pushed through so Chan could hear it. But Changbin wondered what would have happened if it had.

 

The starting menu of ‘Spirited away' was suddenly all Changbin could see as Chan stood off to the side, remote in hand, and starting it up. Despite now Nana being asleep and her chair empty, Chan sat right back down next to Changbin and let the younger situate himself back into his corner before pulling the blanket back over them. "Damn, I haven't seen this movie in a while. When was the last time we watched this? Two? Three years ago?" Changbin wondered, diving his attention to Chan as the movie began to play.

 

"Four years I think? It was the first time I came over. I remember because we were on holiday and I didn't want to go back to Australia so you let me come with you." Chan's voice was soft, mesmerizing almost, and Changbin lets a blush creep up on his cheeks when the elder rested his hand on the side of Changbin's lower thigh. "Thank for that by the way, I really appreciated that." Chan's thumb stroked just above Changbin's knee and the younger thanked the heavens above that it was dark and Chan couldn't really see the blush on his cheeks.

 

"Of course, Hyung. You're my best friend." The words felt thick in his throat, like syrup but without the sweetness, he enjoyed so much. Changbin thought he might have been imagining it when Chan's smile faltered and the twinkle in his eyes dulled, So shoved the idea aside. "Are you staying over tonight?" Chan shrugged. "Well, you should. Too late to drive back anyway." Changbin muttered and sat up to pop his back.

 

"If that's what you want, bin," Chan uttered and Changbin sighed in content. Somewhere in the middle of the movie, the two shifted over to the other side of the couch, Chan now leaning against the armrest and Changbin asleep beside him. Chan wasn't aware that Changbin had even fallen asleep until the younger's head landed on his shoulder. This wasn't normal for them; the two didn't do skinship often and when they did, it was because the other absolutely and utterly just needed it. But here was Changbin, leaning on his shoulder, and Chan felt like he was having a crisis. The fast beating of his heart only got worse as time passed and Changbin snuggled his face into Chan's neck. "Come on." The man whispered and guided Changbin down so his head was in his lap and Changbin was lying down on the couch.

 

Changbin made a few noises of distress but Chan soothed him with soft shushes and hesitant fingers carding through his hair. Changbins hair was soft but thin, so it was easy for Chan to scratch his nails into the younger's scalp, but as much as Chan wanted to fall asleep as well, his mind was racing. He had fallen head over heels for the younger, but Changbin was oblivious to that. Chan had been infatuated with him for years, but he was starting to lose hope that Changbin might feel the same. Due to his thoughts, Chan had stopped running his fingers through Changbin's hair and that was obviously not okay to the sleeping man in his lap as he made out a few whines and tugged Chan's hand back into his hair. "Sorry, Bin." Chan murmured and stared down at him with a fond smile. Sometime after the movie ended, Chan managed to slip into sleep as well.

  


Hours later, the sun high in the sky and Changbin's grandmother up and about making food, the two managed to come out of their slumber around the same time in a slow drawl. Like a cat, Changbin stretched out his arms over his head and the legs intertwined with another's - Intertwined with another's… Changbin snapped open his eyes, being met with a ceiling and hyperactive senses. Changbin remained as still as stone, trying to figure out his current situation but that hadn't taken more than a few seconds. Chan had an arm draped across his waist, legs intertwined with his own, and face nuzzled into the size of his neck. Chan was attached to him like a leech, but Changbin really couldn't complain, even if his heart felt like it was racing unhealthily so.

 

Changbin was a human furnace, and very easy to become hot, but Chan had always been cold to the touch so the elder was keeping Changbin's body temperature down. "Morning, Binnie." Chan croaked suddenly into Changbin's neck, only shuffling to reveal his face a bit but only tightening his grip around Changbin's waist. The younger gulped and choked out a squeaky greeting and squirmed away a bit to ease his beating heart, but not enough to be rude or mean. "I could fall back asleep right now if I wanted to." Chan murmured out, a throaty laugh escaping his lips as he tugged Changbin back into his body and nuzzled his face back into his neck. Changbin gulped audibly and pulled himself away a bit but Chan didn't seem bothered by it.

 

"Then go back to sleep." Changbin squeaked and Chan hummed in satisfaction. Changbin felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest but Changbin's attention was directed somewhere else. His grandmother came around the side of the couch, a knowing glint in her eyes as she set down a plate of biscuits and sausage on the coffee table just within reach. "Morning, nana," Changbin whispered as to not wake the man beside him. The elderly woman scoffed.

 

"Morning? It's 1 in the afternoon you silly boy." The woman sighed and walked away after patting his hair much like always. Changbin chuckled in mild disbelief that it was that late, but once he reached over to grab both his phone and a biscuit, the time read 1:28. So, to pass by some much needed time, Changbin stuffed a biscuit between his lips and began to do whatever on his phone, switching between playing a game, texting a few of the trainees or managers, and watching videos. However, Chan shifted his head down so it was lying on the younger's chest and his hair just looked too soft not to touch. So, with hesitant, twitching fingers, Changbin allowed himself to touch the curly mess on top of Chan's head and relish in the cloud-like texture. Changbin couldn't bring himself to be all that surprised that Chan's hair was so soft, he had felt it before, but the elder was just too perfect for it to be rough or greasy.

 

Unknowingly, with a dip of his chin, Changbin's nose migrated to the tufts of a top of his head, Nudging them with the tip of his nose and the pink of his lips. Changbin was completely unaware of fact that Chan was awake and enjoying the soft touches of the younger. "Chan -Channie Hyung I need to move," Changbin whined from underneath the elder, squirming and twisting until Chan rolled off of him and let Changbin sit up. And while that may have helped dramatically with his heart, Changbin still found it hard to breathe. "I'll be back." The younger grunted out, arching his back to pop his spine as soon as he was on his feet and wiggling his toes to give some feeling back into his body.

 

Changbin practically sprinted into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him and gripping the porcelain sink underneath his fingers and trying to steady his breathing. Changbin never wanted to admit the fact that perhaps he saw Chan differently from how a friend would, but as he lay there that morning, Chan wrapped around him and freely nuzzling his face into Changbin's neck, he wasn't sure he could deny that part of him anymore. However, accepting it would just make everything so much more difficult than it needed to be, and Changbin was left with a dilemma. Chan was not only his best friend but his business partner; if this were to go wrong, their whole careers could be put in jeopardy.

 

With a shaky breath and a squeeze of his eyes, Changbin stumbled out of the bathroom with a clearer head. However, that went completely out the window when Changbin walked back into the lounge to find A messy haired Chan sitting up on the couch with wide, innocent eyes and a biscuit in his mouth. "You look cute." Changbin blurted, and as soon as the words came out, he wished he could suck them back in and stitch his mouth closed so he never uttered a word again. Changbin looked anywhere but Chan, cheeks aflame and body twitching. Did he really mean that?

 

Chan felt like his heart was going to leap out of his throat but he figured Changbin was feeling a lot worse than he did, so tried to lighten the mood a bit. "When do I not look cute?" Chan snickered and Changbin's flushed expression turned into a scowl with a blink of an eye.

 

"Right now, asshole!" Changbin spat and stormed into the kitchen; Chan couldn't bring himself to be upset considering Changbin's cheeks were as pink as his lips and ears as hot as the sun.

 

"Aw, but that completely contradicts your previous words!" Chan called out with a snicker, hearing something slam as some sort of retaliation. The elder got up and off of the couch, popping his entire body for a few moments before letting out a yawn. Chan's eyes searched the lounge until he found his jacket and shoes, slipping them on his body before joining Changbin in the kitchen. "Hey, I'm heading out. I'll see you Monday yeah?" Chan wondered and Changbin turned to look at him sheepishly, a glass of milk in hand.

 

"Uh Yeah. I might be a bit late though. Nana has an appointment that morning." Changbin informed and Chan nodded. The younger felt his breath escape his lungs when Chan cupped the back of his head and pressed a kiss to his hair before leaving. If Changbin didn't have such a tight grip on the glass in hand, he probably would have dropped it the moment Chan's lips hit his skin. "Bye, Hyung."

 

"See ya, Binnie."

  


"Hey, Nana, are you ready to go?" Changbin murmured when he walked into the lounge and saw the woman standing by the door. She nodded without uttering a word and Changbin let her grip his bicep before he guided them down the stairs and to the car. Changbin made sure she was settled and buckled in before closing the door and running around the other side. "Ok so is there anything I need to know before we go in there so I'm not hit with shock?" Changbin uttered out of curiosity, the only sound filling the air being the low hum of the car. The woman didn't say anything, only grabbed for his free hand tightly. "Nana?"

 

Changbin felt his throat close up when the woman looked over at him with sad eyes. "Binnie, when I say that it's okay, it's okay." She whispered, pressing multiple kisses to his knuckles with her chalky lipstick and Changbin felt his whole body run cold. He suddenly felt unbearably uneasy about this appointment, more than he had this morning when he woke up. The woman waved their intertwined hands around in the car after turning on some music, trying to lighten the mood a bit, but Changbin was suddenly all jitters and cravings of a comfortable touch. His head was so far away from the car that it was as if he blinked and suddenly they were in front of the doctor's office.

 

Changbin tried to ignore the feeling or true meaning behind his grandmother's words, that when she said everything was okay, that it truly was okay. However, the voices in the back of Changbin's head clawed through the entirety of his thoughts and settled themselves right in the front where Changbin couldn't ignore them any longer. So, when his grandmother's name was called and the two were escorted to one of the examination rooms, the only thing Changbin could really hear was the blood pumping in his ears. "Binnie, you still with me?" His grandmother's voice was the only thing that ever made it through the fogginess in Changbin's mind. The man nodded. "Don't worry so much, Binnie."

 

Changbin knew he needed to though. If he didn't, then who would? His grandmother had never cared for these things, much less her own health, so Changbin had to be the one to make sure she went to her appointments, took her medicines, and got the proper amount of rest. Changbin had always taken on that responsibility, but he hadn't been to the last few appoints due to work and he regretted not going now. He had absolutely no idea how bad her cancer has gotten and it's not as if Nana actually told him anything anymore. "It's just been a while, I can't help but worry nana. Who else will?"

 

"You should be more focused on your career and that boy of yours, Binnie." The woman pointed a manicured nail in his direction and Changbin sucked in a sharp breath. "Don't think I don't see the way you look at Channie. I've seen it since you brought him home for the holidays four years back. I'm not blind, you know." The woman pestered and pestered, but Changbin couldn't bring himself to whine or get upset because it was true. Changbin had been feeling that way for a long time, he just didn't think she would see it.

 

"We're… We're not together." Changbin whispered and the woman hummed in dissatisfaction.

 

"Could have fooled me." A tense silence fell over them and the woman reached down to grasp Changbin's hand in her own. "Listen to me, Changbin." The man lifted his chin up to meet her eyes, "Don't be scared. Everything will fall into place. If I had listened to every doubt I had with your grandpa, you probably wouldn't even be alive." The woman whispered and wiped away a stray tear that Changbin didn't even know fell from his eyes. Changbin didn't even register the fact that he could barely see past the tears glossing over his irises. "Everything happens for a reason, Binnie."

 

And that's all that could echo in Changbin's head when his grandmother's doctor uttered that the woman only had a few months left to live and that they should consider placing her in a hospital until then so she has treatment around the clock. "Your grandmother is dying, and if my theory is right, she only has two months at most." The man spared Changbin empathetic eyes that Changbin didn't want. He just wanted his grandmother to be okay. The music producer swallowed thickly and nodded his head in understanding. "If you have good insurance, her time in the hospital shouldn't damage you too much financially. I'm sorry that I had to be the one to tell you but I knew she wouldn't." Changbin wasn't sure he could take it if he listened to that in his Nana's voice.

 

"I- Okay, thank you," Changbin whispered and received a pat on the shoulder before being left alone in the hallway with his thoughts. His grandmother was at the front desk, signing paperwork while he was left to speak with the doctor, but even as Changbin rounded the corner and saw the petite woman innocently signing paperwork, he couldn't bring himself to get angry at her for not telling him she was dying. The only thing he wanted to do was spend as much time with her as he possibly could. "Hey, Nana." Changbin draped an arm around her shoulder, the woman signing off at the bottom of the paper and pushing herself away from the counter.

 

"Hiya, Binnie." She greeted with a charming smile but let it fade when she saw the solemness in her grandson's eyes. "He told you didn't he?" Changbin nodded his head shortly, guiding them outside and back into the car but Nana stopped him before he could lower her into the seat. "Binnie… I know this is hard, and I've already accepted the hospital part, but I don't think I can live with myself if you're upset with me." She whispered and Changbin… Changbin felt hurt, but he appreciated her too much to be angry. This was his grandmother, he didn't want her to think ill of him.

 

"I know, Nana. I'm not upset with you, I'm just upset about the situation." He reassured and the woman seemed content with the answer and lowered herself into the car. Once she was settled, Changbin got in as well and started up the engine. A silence resided between them that Changbin had to break. "When do you go? To the hospital?"

 

"Next week. Wednesday morning." And Changbin hated it.

 

Changbin still went to work that morning, even bringing Chan coffee and false, bright smiles he knew Chan would see right through, but still attempted anyway. Changbin placed his key card up to the scanner at the main entrance and slipped inside the tall building and the elevator within. The elevator trembled around him as Changbin did nothing but bounce on the balls of his feet but kept his nerves down to a certain extent so he didn't spill his coffee. The worst part of all of this was that he knew Chan was probably working with some of the trainees right now so he would have to swallow the lump in his throat and make sure he didn't break down right then and there.

 

"Hey, here's your coffee."

 

Changbin murmured to the elder, coming up behind him and setting it down on the table Chan was sitting at in the common room. A little under half of their trainees were sat around, talking and laughing quietly, or working hard, and Changbin felt his heart swell. "Oh thank god, you're a saint." Chan moaned, sipping on his coffee and releasing content hums regularly that sent shivers down Changbin's spine. The elder glanced up at Changbin fondly but the smile on his lips dropped when he saw the pain in Changbin's eyes. Chan got up slowly from his chair, as to not frighten the younger and stared down at him in worry. "Hey…" Changbin's bottom lip began to wobble and Chan let his hand come up to cup the right side of Changbin's jaw. "Hey, what's wrong? What happened?"

 

Changbin lifted up his own hand to pat Chan's, moving away with a sniffle and a weak smile. "It's okay, Hyung. Don't worry." Changbin reassured but it was weak and barely heard, Chan obviously not believing it but letting it drop. "I'll tell you later." Changbin fixed quickly and Chan seemed to be more content with that. The elder didn't let Changbin go without a kiss to the cheek though, not caring if their employees were staring at them during the whole interaction.

 

"I'll hold you to that."

 

It took a week and two days for Changbin to spill what was going on with his grandmother to Chan. The music producer had managed to completely dodge Chan for a fair share of time until he was caught leaving by the elder, but that didn't go to say that he didn't feel guilty for it. It wasn't as if Changbin didn't want to tell Chan, he just wasn't sure he could, and avoiding him seemed to be the best course of action. Though Changbin's heart and mind craved Chan, and it took a lot of willpower for him to not show up at Chan's apartment and simply be in his presence. "Changbin? Can we talk?" Changbin froze, mid-step, and turned to face a frowning Chan.

 

"I-I really need to get go-."

 

"Binnie, please." Chan sounded exhausted, and frankly rather irritated and Changbin felt bad. Chan already had enough on his plate as it is and worrying about Changbin really didn't need to be on it. So, with a clearing of his throat and a quick glance down to his shoes, Changbin nodded his head and Chan's shoulders relaxed. The younger knew Chan was approaching him because of his shoes echoing off of the floors, but he still flinched when Chan cupped his chin and nudged his head up. "Tell me what happened, and tell me what's wrong." Chan urged, tone hard but touch soft and gentle. Changbin gulped and shook his head.

 

"Not here, Hyung."

 

"Then where?"

 

Changbin remained quiet for a moment, flickering his eyes to the door behind him before grabbing for Chan's larger hand. "I think it might be better if I just showed you." They ended up taking Chan's car, Changbin uttering quietly to take him to the hospital and Chan's face dropped. He had a pretty good idea now as to why Changbin had been so distant for the past week and a half and didn't try to deny Changbin anything. They were best friends. The word felt thick in his throat.

 

Chan spared his best friend a glance, seeing Changbin's body tilted towards the window he was staring out of and felt one of his hands reach out towards the younger without his consent, palm up. Changbin stared at it for a moment, glancing up towards Chan who had his eyes locked on the road; the younger slipped his fingers between Chan's and let the dimpled man hold him tightly. "It's going to be okay." _Everything happens for a reason, Binnie_.

 

The smell of the hospital was one Changbin always hated, the complete aura sending chills up his spine. Perhaps it was the fact that when both his parents died, he was here when it happened, one time in the room and the other in the gift shop picking flowers out for his mother. Changbin hated it there, and perhaps that is why he clung to Chan's hand so tightly until they reached his grandmother's room. However, they waited outside the room, looking through the window and Chan felt like his breath escaped his lungs. Changbin couldn't say anything, he didn't trust his voice at the time; he simply held Chan's hand tight and close, so the elder couldn't suddenly abandon him.

 

Chan was the one who reached for the door handle and guided Changbin inside; Chan was the one who offered Nana a bright smile and a soft greeting; Chan was the one who never let go once throughout that entire visit. Chan was the one. "Hey, Nana." Changbin croaked out, sitting in the chair beside her bed and lowering his head into her lap. The woman laughed softly, mouth never truly opening but fingers carding through his hair as if she wasn't on her deathbed.

 

"Hello, Binnie; Channie." She nodded towards the man hovering behind Changbin's chair, offering him a hand and letting her practical other grandson intertwine their fingers. "How are the trainees hm? Do they miss my cookies?" The woman grinned, sparing the two a wink, and Chan was the one who offered her a laugh when all Changbin could do was smile weakly.

 

"They keep asking about them. They sure do love you, Nana." Changbin hummed in amusement, turning his head so he was facing up towards her. The woman giggled to herself.

 

"Hey, Binnie… why don't you go get us some candy from the gift shop? Take my purse." The woman croaked suddenly, motioning to the bag across the room. Changbin was a bit confused by the request but didn't try to argue as Chan sat down in the chair beside his grandmother and shot Changbin a reassuring look. The youngest was a bit hesitant to leave Chan alone with his grandmother considering what she knew, but his Nana would never do anything to jeopardize his whole life.

 

"Ok. Anything in particular you want?"

 

"I just need some good old fashioned milk chocolate." The woman grinned and Changbin nodded, leaving the room when the sun was still lowering in the sky. As soon as Changbin's grandmother was sure he was gone, she grabbed for Chan's hands and clasped them in between her smaller, daintier ones. "Channie, you need to take care of him for me. You have to be there for him. Do you understand what I'm asking of you?" _I need you to confess your feelings and make him yours_ Is what she was really trying to say, and she hoped that got across to Chan.

 

"And… And you're okay with that?" _You're okay with us being together even if it's considered wrong?_

 

"Of course." _You're the best thing that's ever happened to him._

 

Chan sat there, shifting his hands so he was cupping hers instead of the other way around, and held them close to his face, kissing them. "Thank you for giving me a home," Chan whispered and the women just offered him a fond smile. Her eyes told him he should be thanking Binnie, and he'd get around to that eventually. "Get some sleep, you look exhausted."

 

"I could say the same thing to you, Channie." And then she was out like a light, having given out to the world of sleep and letting it enclose her in a warm blanket. Chan didn't let her hands go until Changbin came back in the room, bag of candy in hand.

 

"She asleep?" Chan nodded. Changbin sighed and set the candy down in the foot of the bed gently as to not disturb his Nana from her sleep. "Here." Changbin held out a bag of gummy bears for Chan, warmth spreading across his chest when the elder's fingers nudged his own. Changbin let it go with a breathy, quiet laugh and flickered his eyes down shyly. The two ate their candy in silence, Changbin hovering and legs aching from being stood on for so long. Chan held out a hand for him, Changbin slipping one into his own and being pulled down into his lap. It was odd, yes, but Changbin needed this. He needed Chan. "Thank you," Changbin whispered quietly and the elder merely smiled in response.

 

However, it was time for them to leave and Changbin was left with a dilemma that only lasted for a few short seconds because his body reacted before his mind could. Changbin, Hands still intertwined, stopped walking and ultimately caused Chan to stumble before turning back towards him. The elder didn't say anything, his eyes asking the question for himself and suddenly, Changbin regretted his instincts. He was too embarrassed to ask… "do you think you can stay with me tonight?" But they stumbled out anyway.

 

"Sure, Bin."

 

With the moon high in the sky, Changbin climbed out of Chan's car and would have stumbled face first to the ground if he hadn't grabbed for the car door last minute. But Chan rushed around anyhow and made sure Changbin was stable and okay. "Sorry… sorry, just lost my footing." Changbin uttered, cheeks bright pink in embarrassment. Chan laughed softly and nodded, placing his hand on the small of the younger's back and guiding him inside the large, yellow Victorian house. Changbin hadn't been able to sleep much, much less be in the house for long periods of time because it just felt so empty. It probably wouldn't have been so bad if Changbin had just told Chan what was going on as he knew that the elder wouldn't leave his side… but this was just too complicated of a matter for Changbin to explain.

 

The two stumble into the dark house and Changbin escape into the kitchen, turning on the lights in his venture, and pulled out a container of lemon cookies that just didn't quite taste the same. "Did you make these?" Chan wondered as he dipped his hand down in the container from behind Changbin and pressed it up against his lips, waiting for an answer. Changbin swiveled around, leaning his back against the counter, and nodded his head with a click of his tongue.

 

"I haven't been able to sleep, so I'll stay up and bake so the house doesn't feel so empty," Changbin whispered and Chan just wanted to reach out and pepper kisses all over his face. "They don't taste that good anyway." The truth of the matter was that they did, in fact, taste good, as Changbin was an incredible baker, but they weren't his grandmothers and that's what was so disheartening. Chan seemed to not like the solemn mood to the night so suddenly grabbed Changbin and threw him over his shoulder. "Channie Hyung!" Changbin screeched out, caught off guard by the sudden change of events but Chan spared him no mind, grabbing the tub of cookies and walking them both up the stairs cautiously.

 

Chan pushed open Changbin's bedroom door with his hip, tossing him on the bed and darting for the younger's wardrobe. Chan always kept spare clothes at Changbin's but based on the smell of not only Changbin but laundress detergent, something told him that Changbin wears his stuff too. "Have you been wearing my clothes, Binnie?" Chan inquired playfully, turning back to him with a dimpled smile that made Changbin's heartache. Changbin flushed and looked anywhere but Chan when he nodded his head shyly, Chan laughing softly and taking the black sweater and basketball shorts into his hand. Changbin expected Chan to escape into the bathroom and change but the elder didn't leave until he pressed a kiss to Changbin's cheek and whispered "it's alright. I'm sure you look better in them anyway." Chan knew just how to make Changbin squirm.

 

Changbin changed into more comfortable clothing, ears turning red when Chan came back out and he was digging around for a shirt. The younger didn't even know that Chan had already come out of the bathroom until he heard the bed squeak and shifted his head over his shoulder to see Chan studying him intently. "What?" Changbin graveled lowly, face pulled into a weak snarl without any bite to it, and Chan never once tore his gaze away.

 

"Nothing." Chan shrugged as if it were the most casual thing in the world for him to be staring down Changbin's back muscles and biceps but the younger left it alone for the time being. He wasn't sure he could take that sort of interaction right now. So, he grabbed for the nearest tank top he could find and slipped it over his head, yelping when Chan grilled the back of his shirt into his fist and tugged him backward so Changbin landed on the bed beside him. The two stared up at the ceiling, side by side and hands brushing much like they did four years ago on the first night Chan stayed there. There was only one lamp on, basking a warm, yellow light into the two adults and they could faintly hear crickets outside over the air conditioning.

 

Somewhere, in between their thoughts, their fingers intertwined in between their bodies, and Changbin could feel everything bubble up in his chest. Changbin separated their hands and turned over so his back was facing the elder and he was about to fall out of the bed. Chan never stopped observing Changbin, settling himself on the bed but keeping his eyes on the younger. He knew that at any moment, Changbin's shoulders would start trembling and the younger could no longer keep in the sobs he had been holding in all night. "She never told me she was dying, Channie Hyung. I haven't been able to go the last few appointments but she never mentioned that she didn't have long." Changbin's voice cracked and dulled in the bedroom, Chan nudging his body a bit closer. "She kept it from me."

 

Changbin voice was vulnerable, feeling the sobs wracking his bones. So, when Chan placed a hand on his bicep and gently tugged him to face him, Changbin didn't fight it. In fact, he attached himself to Chan's side and rested his cheek against his chest, curling up against him. "I had to hear from the doctor that she had two more months but I don't think I would have been able to hear it from her either. It hurts. Why does it hurt so much?" Changbin was near hysterics at this point, but Chan remained calm and collected for both of their sakes, and rubbed his palms into the younger's back. Chan kept quiet though, knowing Changbin really just needed to vent.

 

So he did. "She always says that the secret to her lemon cookies is love, but I don't know if I have that anywhere in my heart except for Nana, you or Jisung. None for myself though…" Changbin uttered weakly, and Chan's heart skipped a beat when Changbin mentioned him on his list of people he loved. But of course he was, they were best friends. Chan carded his fingers through Changbin's hair soothingly, even after the younger had fallen asleep with tear-stricken and swollen cheeks. Chan couldn't bring himself to part ways with the younger and let himself fall asleep as well.

 

When Chan woke up that morning, Changbin was nowhere to be found. The elder presumed that he had gone for a walk and didn't want to disturb him so let the younger be. But except, Chan didn't see Changbin for the next three days, not even at work, and it seemed like no one had seen him either. Of course, it was worrying, and Chan spent most of his time looking for him, but he was growing exhausted. So exhausted that when Changbin showed up on his apartment doorstep at 3 in the morning, drunk out of his wits, Chan was completely calm. "Oh dear… you reek." Chan snarled his nose up as Changbin stumbled past him, almost knocking into a table and knocking off a picture frame, Chan was too tired to really care.

 

The younger whirled around, slurring out a "no, you~ reek!" Changbin pointed a finger at Chan's face before going back to his previous mission of finding Chan's bedroom and collapsing onto his bed. "Ah Yes. That sweet sweet smell of an attractive man." Chan chuckled lowly, leaning the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest in amusement.

 

"Do you want some clothes and a shower, Binnie?" Chan hushed out, gathering the younger's attention. Changbin simply pouted from the bed, cheek squished against the elder's mattress.

 

"No~ I just want you!" Changbin whined, prompting Chan to come over and place himself on the edge of the bed by Changbin's stomach. The younger grinned up at him pleasantly, only growing softer like a kitten drunk on love when Chan began to stroke his cheek. "You're cute, Hyungie." Changbin raised a hand up to poke the small dip of Chan's dimple. "Especially when you smile with your messy hair. I just want to kiss you until you can't feel your lips anymore…" Changbin dozed off with a grunt, kicking off his shoes and pants but clawing at his shirt. Chan felt like he was about to pass out from Changbin's words but he didn't want this man to kill himself trying to get off his shirt so helped him.

 

"Are you sure you don't want to borrow a shirt, Bin?" Chan trailed off shyly, rubbing at the back of his neck as he tried not to stare at Changbin too long. Chan wouldn't have minded so much if Changbin was sober, but he wasn't. Changbin was drunk off his ass and practically as vulnerable as a kitten alone in a forest. Chan's just happy he got there without getting hurt. Changbin stared up at Chan, blinking slowly and innocently before his fingers gripped into Chan's shirt and tried to tug it off. "Hey! Hey, Changbin!" Chan laughed, batting his hands away but Changbin Just pouted Up at him.

 

"I want your shirt, Hyung. It smells like you." Changbin whined and Chan sighed. This was an entire mess but he was too tired to really care about it. So, with a swift movement, he slipped the shirt over his head and tossed it to the younger. However, before Chan could go find himself another shirt, Changbin tugged him down onto the bed so he was lying flat and climbed on top of him. Chan stared up at him wide-eyed, really not expecting this to go like this, but Changbin just slipped Chan's shirt over his head with some struggle and mild assistance from Chan. The younger bent down suddenly, and Chan jolted when he felt lips attach to his neck.

 

"Changbin!" Chan didn't shove Changbin off but he gripped him by the hips and pull him gently so Changbin was sat beside him. Chan sat up in shock, watching Changbin just… stare at nothing. It was as if everything within him stopped working completely. Chan reached out a hand, letting his fingertips graze the flushed apples of Changbin's cheeks. "Changbin?" The younger's eyes flickered up, wavering with tears glossing over. Chan sighed.

 

"Am I not good enough for you? I just love you so much and you mean the entire world to me. You were always there for me and -" After that, Chan couldn't really understand much of Changbin's blubbering but he cut him off anyhow, curling his arms around his head and lowering them down into the bed. Their foreheads pressed together, Chan cradling his head between his palms and nuzzling their noses together.

 

"I love you too, baby," Chan whispered, hoping his words might soothe Changbin enough to stop crying and maybe fall asleep, and it worked. Changbin lowered his head so his forehead was pressed against Chan's chest and the elder's arms were secure around his shoulder. Changbin didn't sleep for at least another half hour, tracing small shapes into Chan's exposed collarbone and sides. "Go to sleep, Binnie." Chan smoothed Changbin's hair back and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. Changbin's eyes drooped closed and his small snores filled the room not long after. Chan sighed and reached over to turn off the lamp, left with his thoughts and the same man that fit so perfectly in his arms, it had to be too good to be true.

 

The following morning was messy. Changbin had woken from his slumber with a throbbing headache and his stomach churning uncomfortably. His forehead was sweaty and he could practically feel the color from his face completely disappear as he dry heaved in thin air. Changbin squirmed out from underneath the arm holding him down and rushed to the bathroom, his mind recognizing the apartment but not quite registering it. Changbin slammed on the lights and fell to his knees in front of the toilet, spilling his guts into the white bowl of porcelain with gross, heaving noises. Warm hands rubbed soothing circles into Changbin's back as he heaved two more times before resting his forehead against his arms which were sticking grossly to the toilet seat. "Fuck." He grunted out, ears perking up when he heard a familiar, heartwarming chuckle.

 

"Come on. Sit up." Chan coaxed, helping the Younger sit up after flushing and set him down on the toilet lid. "Gurgle." Chan filled a glass of water and handed it to Changbin, watching the man gurgle the water in his throat and spit it out in the sink. "Take a shower. I'll bring you some clean clothes." Chan messed with the younger's hair and Changbin grinned to himself shyly.

 

"Hey, Hyung…" Chan whirled around to look at Changbin, eyebrows furrowed in worry. "Do you think I could just wear that really soft grey sweater you have and boxers?" Chan laughed a bit and nodded.

 

"Sure, Bin."

 

Changbins mind was racing during the entire time he was showering, having Chan come in midway with clothes and staying a bit to brush his teeth. Hell, he even asked Changbin if he wanted tea, and Changbin squeaked out an embarrassing "yes" Changbin had absolutely no fucking idea what had happened the night before and he was fearful he might have said something to Chan that the elder would have to talk to him about. Either way, Changbin didn't run out. His head was killing him and frankly, he just wanted to curl back up in Chan's bed and fall back asleep. So, the younger stumbled out of the bathroom in the clothes he had asked for swallowing him whole but he didn't mind.

 

The younger made a b-line for the bedroom, not expecting Chan to already be there, bed changed to fresh sheets that didn't smell like sweat and alcohol. Changbin felt his sanity leave him for a few moments when he saw the elder sprawled out on one half of the bed, one arm behind his head and the other resting on his bare stomach. None of the covers were on top of him except for his feet, and Changbin resisted the urge to run over and straddle him right then and there. Instead, he padded over and slid in on Chan's left, basically clinging to his side as Chan handed him a cup of tea and a few painkillers.

 

Changbin took them gratefully. "You're a saint." He grumbled out, gulping down the tea in one go and the pills with it. As soon as the lukewarm tea was gone, Changbin set it on the nightstand and sunk down into the mattress, daringly snuggling into Chan's side. The elder didn't seem to mind at all, draping an arm over his shoulder but keeping his attention in the show he was watching on the TV on the dresser in front of them. Changbin couldn't ignore it anymore. "Hey, Hyung?" Chan hummed in acknowledgment. "We uh… we didn't do anything last night did we?" Changbin hushed, cheeks flushing.

 

"What? Oh no! No." Chan dismissed, and Changbin let out a breath of relief. "You tried though." Changbin snapped up at that, eyes were blown wide and Chan's attention remained on the TV. All until Changbin tried to scramble out of bed and leave the room. However, before he could run out, the door shut in front of him, Chan's hand closing it shut softly but pressing firmly to keep it there. Changbin could feel Chan's breath coating the back of his neck. "You said that I was cute -." Changbin slowly turned around to face Chan, gulping audibly when he saw the close proximity between them. "And that you wanted to kiss my lips until I couldn't feel them anymore." His words came out as a purr but weren't any higher than that of a whisper, and Changbin shuddered.

 

"I-I…" Changbin couldn't think straight, at all. Especially when Chan let his other hand enclose his hip and tug them closer to each other.

 

"But yet, here I am giving you the chance and you're not taking it." Chan frowned, foreheads grazing. Changbin's bottom lip twitch, his palms coming up to rest on Chan's chest so they could easily slip around his neck for easy access later.

 

"I'm scared," Changbin whispered, not even an inch separating their lips. Chan let the hand that was resting against the door slide down to the younger's cheek and hold it caringly.

 

"You don't need to be, baby." And then it was like something fell into place and clicked in satisfaction. Their lips molded together and Changbin let his arms wrap around Chan's neck as the elder held him more closely at the torso. They moved slowly and with ease, experienced in the department from past partners, and that only made it nicer in comparison. It was as if they were learning things from one another, a perfect match if you will. Changbin didn't want to pull away, the taste of Chan's lips being entirely addicting and it certainly didn't help that Chan was holding him with such fondness, as if Changbin was a treasure that must be cherished. Chan was the first to pull away, though, and Changbin chased his lips for a few split seconds before realizing and blushing wildly. Chan simply hummed in amusement and stroked the younger's cheeks. "I've waited so long to do that." The elder whispered into his ear before placing a kiss underneath Changbin's lobe.

 

Changbin blushes and nodded in agreement. "So have I." And then their lips were connected again; the two just couldn't get enough of the other.

  


The air was crisp, cold, and unforgiving during the winters in South Korea, and even if Changbin's body was a human furnace, he was vulnerable to the cold. So, it was really no surprise when Chan walked into the coffee house that morning and saw Changbin bundled up in a thick coat, scarf wrapped around his lower face, and fingerless gloves snug against his hands. He was practically trembling in his seat and Chan couldn't help but chuckle lowly at the sight. Changbin was undeniably adorable and Chan was undeniably smitten for him. "Hey, Binnie." His voice could barely be heard over the ringing of spoons hitting cups and the espresso machine beside them, but Changbin heard it, loud and clear, and his pale cheeks flushed.

 

"Hey, Hyung." With a groggy, barely used voice, Changbin tugged down the scarf wrapped around his face and exposing his rosy lips to the elder. Chan hummed in satisfaction, and bent down, curled his fingers gently around the back of Changbin's neck, and met his lips to exchange a gentle, prolonged peck. A small hand rested against Chan's chest, provoking the elder to cup it with his own when he pulled away. The urge to keep kissing Changbin's shiny, pink lips was overwhelming but Chan shoved it down the same moment he lowered himself into the booth beside Changbin. The younger sighed in content when Chan draped an arm over his shoulder and pulled him to his side, "You sleep well?" Changbin hushed a few moments after, keeping his voice low out of respect for the people behind them.

 

Chan scoffed in amusement, "I sleep better when I'm next to you." Chan teased, lips mouthing at Changbin's ear and the younger groaned. Changbin shoved Chan away and wiped the wet feeling away from his ear with a scowl.

 

"It's too early for you." All Chan could do was laugh. A silence fell over them, comfortable and warm, and Chan pulled out a laptop from his bag as Changbin sipped on his coffee. The younger made a throaty noise of content when the warm, energizing drink hit his tongue. For the most part, he ignored the way Chan was giving him odd looks and snickers, but when the elder's hand curled around the mug and brought it up to his nose to sniff it, Changbin snarled his own up when Chan winced. "Hey now, I never give you shit for your coffee taste," Changbin grumbled, no bite to it, and tried to take it away from him. However, Chan waved him off and took a sip of the coffee in Changbin's mug.

 

Chan groaned, coughing a bit and sticking out his tongue. Changbin rolled his eyes at Chan's dramatic ways. "Too sweet." The elder croaked, But there was no way Changbin could not tease him for that.

 

"Thought you liked sweet?" Changbin purred, attaching his lips to Chan's jaw and smirking when the elder sucked in a harsh breath. Chan shifted away so he could face the younger, and cup underneath his chin to press his thumb against Changbin's thin, pink lips.

 

"I prefer my sweet with a tang." Changbin was quick to shove him away with a groan. Chan was forever and always too cheesy.

 

"Do you want some fucking food with that cheese?" Changbin hissed But Chan simply offered him headphones and a bright smile.  

 

"How about some music instead." Changbin and Chan fell into the world of music too easily, so it was no surprise that Changbin didn't even spare his partner a look before excitedly slipping the headphones on his head and practically slamming the spacebar to listen to the track Chan had created. The best was nice but it was almost… haunting in a way, and when Changbin began to listen to the words flowing out of Chan's mouth with precision, he felt it reach his absolute core. Perhaps, that was a rather cliche way to put it, but it was obvious that Chan was speaking of suicide and his demons so passionately because it was real.

 

When the song finished, Changbin slipped the headphones around his neck and just stared at the computer for a moment. In the back of his head, Changbin knew Chan was staring at him, eyes wavering and lip latched between his teeth in anticipation, but the younger paid him no sort of look as he grabbed for Chan's left hand and cupped it between his two small ones. Changbin just stared at it for a moment before tracing his fingers along the veins and bringing it up to his lips. Feather-like kisses were distributed randomly but with meaning all around the top of Chan's hand and the elder felt like he was being held by the world.

 

The two weren't much when it came to expressing feelings through genuine conversation, but rather through that of a song or story. Changbin felt honored that Chan wanted to tell him how he was feeling about everything and Changbin felt like he had to pay equal tribute, and one day he would. However, today was for Chan and making sure he was okay. "Thank you for existing," Changbin whispered and Chan softly smiled and nodded. The younger shifted his face closer and brought Chan's hand up to his chest, foreheads resting together and eyes fluttering shut. They weren't sure how long they stayed there for, foreheads leaned together and noses occasionally nuzzling as Changbin basked in the feeling of Chan's arm wrapped around his shoulders and the other hand resting against his chest and Chan enjoyed the sound of Changbin's soft breaths and just overall presence.

 

They were happy there.

 

But it was only a matter of time before it all went wrong.

 

In hindsight, they really should have seen this coming. Changbin's temper was about as hot as his body temperature, fiery and concerning, and with his grandmother being in the hospital…. it only got worse. At first, it was only the tiny comments that were easy to ignore, just a seemingly harmless spark if you will. But what is small and regular will build and build and build until it all comes toppling down.

 

And… and Changbin was angry.

 

There hadn't really been a particular reason for it, well… _one_ anyway; Changbin was just angry. This didn't happen too often anymore, as Changbin matured and learned to handle his temper better than he did as a child, but sometimes it got just a bit too much and Changbin needed to release that pent-up frustration. However, he never did quite learn from his past mistakes, assuming alcohol would get rid of it after a few bottles or glasses, but it only made it worse. When Changbin drank, it only made whatever he was feeling at the time more intense and god did he wish he would learn to stop drinking when he felt like he was about to bubble over the edge of the pot.

 

Tonight, he was piss drunk, stumbling down streets without a destination in mind and a bottle of vodka in hand. His throat burned and his head span, but Changbin kept on in a fit of rage. He screamed and yelled vulgar words, sometimes grabbing a brick and throwing it at a wall only for it to bounce back and land at his feet. It was a miracle he hadn't been arrested yet.

 

Changbin was angry at the world. He was angry at his grandmother's illness, the empty house he had to come to every day, the casual feeling Chan and Him had in their relationship when Changbin wanted it to be more, his inability to make perfect lemon cookies and his lack of motivation to be a good musician, producer, boss, friend, and partner. Changbin felt like he was drowning and while he hated it, he wasn't making an effort to swim. Changbin has long accepted his fate of loneliness and a quick death before the age of 35, and to him, nothing could ever really convince him otherwise.

 

The moon was high in the sky but covered by dark, thick clouds that rumbled lowly as a warning to anyone below of the onslaught of rain they were about to endure but it was only a dull ring in Changbin's ear he ignored. Changbin didn't care. He was too angry to care. If anything, the rain would cool down his hot, flaming cheeks and give him another reason to be angry at the world. However, instead of a warning from the clouds above, it was a car engine, and the only thing breaking through the angry whispers in Changbin's Head was the sound of his name being called out with a familiar voice attached. "Changbin? Changbin!"

 

His look was drunken and dazed, but it seemed to get the message across pretty well. Changbin just wanted for Chan to fuck off. "Changbin, What are you doing out here? It's nearly three in the morning! Is that alcohol? Changbin, are you drunk?" Changbin felt like he was about to tear his own hair out. The younger grumbled under his breath, taking a large swig of the vodka in hand and cringed at the burning in his throat. He felt like he was going insane. Changbin heard but never registered the aggravated sigh the man hanging out the car window next to him let out, and realistically that might have been for the best. "Changbin… Just- just get in the car." Chan sighed but Changbin only glared at him with a fiery gaze.

 

"Fuck off, Chan." The elder brushed off the lack of honorifics, more worried when Changbin took yet another swig.

 

"Your drunk, just get in the fucking car, Changbin. Before you get hurt or kidnapped." Chan was growing more impatient and irritated by the second, especially when Changbin only seemed to speed up his jumbled steps. "Goddamnit." Chan cursed under his breath, stopping the car and getting out of the car with a huff which created a cloud of warm breath in the cold air and only added to the tension there. Changbin knew Chan was approaching, trying to speed up to a sprint but stumbled over his steps and fell to the ground with a groan. The smashed vodka bottle rolled away from Changbin's fingers, the liquid spilling out onto the concrete and all Changbin could do was stare. Even when Chan hoisted his body up and over his shoulder, Changbin stared that liquid down until it stopped spreading and left a thin, fine layer there. Something about it unsettled him beyond belief.

 

Chan was careful not to hit Changbin's head when he lowered him into the car seat, never being aggressive with him physically even when Changbin began to fight back and try to get out of the car. "Changbin, please for the love of god, just sit still." Chan snapped, sounding exhausted beyond belief and Changbin slumped back, a snarl evident on his features. The elder buckled him in, shutting the door with a slight slam afterward and pacing over to his side. Changbin only sat limply in the seat next to Chan as the car started up and Chan drove off. Intimidating hums and purrs from the car engine was the only thing that could be heard but Changbin couldn't even listen to that. He simply stared out the window with blood pumping in his ears.

 

Nothing was said during the entire ride back to Changbin's house, and when Changbin saw the yellow and white Victorian house pop into view he tried to open the car door and jump out, but Chan was quick to intervene. "Don't you fucking dare." A snarl and a vice grip on Changbin's wrist was enough to get him to slump back into his seat. Chan pulled into the driveway, stopping the car and turning it off. "Stay there." Chan raced around to the other side of the car before Changbin could think about leaving on his own. It hadn't taken a lot of effort for Changbin to end up back on Chan's shoulder.

 

Changbin tried to fight and squirm, but Chan was a lot stronger than he looked so Changbin really hadn't gotten anywhere. Luckily, the door had been unlocked, so all Chan had to do was open it and guide them both inside. At this point, Changbin began to grab onto things that could possibly hinder Chan's movements but the elder only pried him away and charged them both up the stairs with speed and force. Soon, Changbin's feet were on the carpeted ground of his bedroom and Chan was stood in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest. "Change and get in bed."

 

"Why do you care?"

 

"Changbin, just change and get in the bed!"

 

"Tell me why you care! You have no reason to care! What are you doing this for, huh? For my grandmother? For something casual and meaningless? For you?" Changbin's voice raised in volume with every question, pacing the room and that… that is when he exploded. Changbin threw shit, nothing breakable thankfully, and trashed his entire room. "You don't love me, Chan! You never have! And you never will! So leave! Leave now instead of later when I'm hurting more! Everyone always leaves." Chan just stood there, blank expression and not even flinching when something went flying towards him. So, when Changbin stopped, breathing heavily and an empty look in his eyes, Chan heaved a sigh.

 

"Are you done?" His voice was low, but not soft by any means. Changbin didn't say anything. "Get in the bed." Chan pointed to the messy bed and Changbin hesitantly padded over. It was now quiet, too quiet for their liking but Changbin rendered speechlessly and movements on the edge of the bed. He just sat there, staring at the floor as Chan glared holes right through him. Eventually, Changbin shimmied off his jeans and shirt, a heavy weight on his chest as he slipped under the covers. The anger had now been mixed with guilt and sadness, too overwhelming to deal with alone. After that, it was all a blur. Changbin only remembers hearing glass against wood, tablets not far behind, and then his front door shutting before a car pulls out of his driveway.

 

The saddest part of it all was that Changbin had gotten absorbed into his own self-doubt. Chan did love him, he loved Changbin with every fiber of his being, and hearing the accusations Changbin was throwing his way out of the blue hurt.

 

They were both lonely for those next few weeks.

  


The next time Chan saw Changbin it was on December 21, 4 days before Christmas, and nearly 2 in the morning. Chan didn't remember much from before, only downing a few energy drinks before pulling out his laptop and working on music to forget the young rapper that had been absorbing his thoughts for every minute he breathed. Knocks had echoed off in the apartment, but Chan hadn't heard them the first two times, only feeling the third round when they got desperate and loud. Chan slipped his headphones around his neck in suspicion, and when the fourth set of knocks came around, Chan approached the door with caution. The elder was too tired to peep through the hole in the door to see who it was before opening it and he was glad he didn't.

 

Stood on his doorstep was Changbin, trembling and tears tracking his cheeks that didn't seem to be light. "I need you." Changbin didn't need to say it for Chan to know what was going on, to know what news the man had probably received not even an hour ago. Chan didn't hesitate to wrap Changbin up in his arms and guide them both back inside. Chan knew there was nothing he could say to make Changbin stop crying into his chest so simply wrapped them both up in a multitude of warm, fuzzy blankets on Chan's bed and just held him. Changbin cried and sobbed for hours until he passed out from exhaustion, and Chan felt his chest aching. Not only for the loss of Nana but seeing Changbin so torn up about it as well.

 

He hated that sight.

 

But despite everything, Chan couldn't sleep. He simply laid there, a hand on the back of Changbin's head and his lips attached to his forehead to pepper kisses there. He didn't mind it though, he had missed Changbin and the warmth that came with him.

 

When the sun began to peek over the horizon, Chan had just been dozing off and nearly on the brink of sleep. Changbin was still attached to his chest, clutching his collar just as tightly as he had been before and Changbin's fingertips were no doubt raw from the force. However, the man shifted, lifting himself up a bit more and Chan took in a deep, sleep ridden breath and helped guide Changbin up his body, letting it out through his nose when the younger's face settled in his neck. The hand on the lower of Changbin's back slipped underneath his shirt and began to rub soft circles into the hot skin there, Changbin's grip on Chan's collar letting up and lifting a hand to rest on the other side of the man's neck. "Go back to sleep." Chan croaked, a volume that Changbin would hear if he was awake but not loud enough to wake him up if he wasn't.

 

Changbin didn't say anything for a while, but he never went back to sleep. The pain in his chest felt too great. "It hurts." It was vulnerable, the most vulnerable Chan had ever heard coming from Changbin, and he hated it. No one should ever have to be that vulnerable to pain like that. "It hurts so much." Chan could feel his neck getting wet as Changbin trembled, but he only tugged him tighter into his body, circling his lower back with both of his arms. Changbin trembled and cried until he didn't, and laid clack in Chan's arms. "Make it go away." Changbin pleaded, suddenly picking his body up so he was straddling Chan's hips.

 

Chan could only spare him a sleepy gaze. "I can't, baby. You know that." It was true. Chan massaged his thumbs into the younger's hip bones, gazing up at him in worry. "It's going to hurt for a while, but don't you dare push me away, okay? You're not going through this alone." Chan hushed and Changbin nodded shakily, wiping away his tears harshly with the heels of his palms. With a shift of his hips, Chan sat up and leaned against the headboard of his bed, Changbin still in his lap but tugged closer. "Do you want to sleep for a while or do you want some tea?" Changbin Thought for a moment, sniffling a few times before giving Chan an answer.

 

"Tea sounds nice." Chan simply offered him a soft smile and thumb caress to Changbin's cheek.

 

"Then let's go make some tea." Chan murmured, getting up with a grunt and Changbin clinging to his front like a koala, a blanket draped around his shoulders. Chan guided them through the apartment and set Changbin down on one of the counters. Changbin curled the blanket more firmly around his shoulders when Chan separated from him, vulnerable to the cold of the older man's apartment and missing the warmth his front had been gifted for the last few hours. Chan hummed a soft tune under his breath as he put the kettle on, digging through the fridge to find something small Changbin can put on his stomach. Chan settled on eggs.

 

"I said tea, not food." Changbin murmured weakly, breaking the silence.

 

"You need to eat, Baby." And as much as Changbin wanted to argue, saying that he couldn't stomach it right now, he knew Chan was right. So, when Changbin let out a quiet ‘ok' in response, A content hum from Chan echoed and Chan reached over to press a kiss to his cheek. The only thing Changbin could feel was a flicker of love in the pain of his chest but that was a start. It wasn't long until the kettle began to aggressively beep and Changbin's eggs were ready to eat. So, once the eggs were spooned onto two different plates and Changbin placed the peppermint tea bags into the boiling water, they didn't move. The two stayed put, eating and drinking in a comfortable silence and Changbin felt empty.

 

Chan had subsided the pain for a while, but he was simply left with nothing but a ringing emptiness in his heart and the expectancy for the pain to come back. Once they were finished, Chan washed their cups and their plates, ignoring the stares he was receiving from Changbin. However, once he was free of household responsibilities, he approached Changbin and slipped between his thighs and twined his arms around Changbin's waist. Arms came up to drape themselves loosely over Chan's shoulders and around his neck, and the two shifted their foreheads to together. "What now, baby?" Chan wondered after a while, Changbin taking a deep breath. He felt exhausted.

 

"Sleep."

 

"Ok. Let's go to sleep then, baby."

 

Changbin got better after that. Of course, there were the bad days, especially when he had to go back to the house, that was now in his name as she had left him it, and be alone for a period of time. He missed her, he always would, and he still hasn't really accepted the fact that she was gone, but Changbin was learning to deal with it in a way that wasn't entirely destructive. However, he still found it hard to deal with it all, sometimes not even having the energy to get out of bed that day. On those days, Chan babied him endlessly and while Changbin enjoyed it, he felt bad. But Chan's response to that guilt was entirely golden and self-aware, "Binnie, you took care of me for three years straight. It's time I repaid the favor." And Perhaps it was true.

 

Today, however, was a bit different. Changbin woke up that morning with Chan wrapped around him from behind and realized that maybe… and just maybe, he was ready to move on. So, he detached himself from the elder and got ready, a box of his grandmother's ashes tucked under his arm as he bent down to press a kiss to Chan's cheek and whisper that he was going for a walk. Chan was barely coherent at the time but nodded anyway, sinking back into the mattress with a satisfied, sleepy grin adorning his lips after Changbin pressed a tiny kiss to them. Chan always got happy when Changbin initiated his own kisses.

 

Unfortunately for him, It had snowed a great deal the last few days so Changbin was stuck walking in the thick snow while being a quivering mess. He couldn't say he had anywhere to complain though, Changbin was determined.

 

Nana had always said she wanted her ashes to be spread out by the cherry blossom tree field not too far from the house, and that had been the first place Changbin was going to. When reaching the garden, the trees were covered in snow and ice crystals, but It's was absolutely gorgeous in every way possible. It was rather miraculous how beautiful this place could be year-round; Changbin was envious of it really. He sprinkled a third of the ashes from the small box onto the grounds, a thin layer under her favorite cherry blossom tree. Mildred, she had named it. For some odd reason though… it seemed as though Mildred was a lot more lively even if it was the dead of winter. Something about the tree just stood out to him in a way he couldn't describe.

 

It wouldn't surprise Changbin if a part of his grandmother was within the bark of this tree. They had too many memories here, ones that would make Changbin's heart lurch and the tears threatening to spill from his glossy eyes fall down his cheeks. Changbin couldn't cry then.

 

It feels necessary to admit that through all of this, and even before, that Changbin was completely and utterly broken. Those around him were blind to it, but it wasn't their fault; Changbin wanted it to be like that. He purposefully hid that part of himself because he didn't want to burden others with his internal problems. However, after Nana… even before her death, Changbin couldn't keep putting bandaids against bullet wounds and stop trying to heal. It had only been Chan that had come alone and stitched him and attempted to make him stable enough to where Changbin could heal on his own.

 

And now, now he was healing.

 

The next place Changbin went to was the river not far from there. The water had been frozen over thickly, some of the kids and teens around skating across it with happy and bright smiles. It was beautiful, and Changbin was thankful for the lack of silence. He sat on the bench they always claimed when they came here, looking over the riverside and just… getting lost in his own soft thoughts. He thought of primarily his Nana, but Chan had somehow wormed his way into Changbin's thoughts as well with his dimpled smile and messy, curly hair. Changbin couldn't explain how grateful he was for Chan and everything he's done for him over the last month and a half; Changbin just wished there was a way he could show it.

 

Changbin wasn't sure how long he sat there for. It had to have at least been an hour before he snapped out of it with a deep breath. His chest felt lighter, more at ease, and Changbin got up and off from the bench and walked along the river bed until he reached a part of the river where it remained untouched by the ice. Changbin poured another third of his Nana's ashes into the river below and moved onto the next place, the tears no longer threatening to spill and his head and chest feeling a bit lighter.

 

The third-place Changbin went to was a hill. It was a hill that overlooked almost the entire city and Changbin felt nostalgic. This was one of Nana's favorite places to go but they didn't get to come here often. It was kind of out of the way and Nana hadn't been feeling well enough to make the trek up the hill. But Changbin didn't mind making it for her.

 

He doesn't remember too much from his time up here, but all the interesting stories about his family were always told on this particular hill and Changbin wondered if there was a particular reason for that. Perhaps it had been that they could overlook the entire city, seeing the world put out in front of them? Or had it been because on top of that hill, it felt like you were between reality and fantasy? Changbin wasn't sure. All he knew was that he really, really wanted to scream.

 

So he did.

 

He let out a blood-curdling scream that shook the ground beneath him. It was long and painful to his throat, but Changbin couldn't care any less at that time. He just needed to let it all out, and this seemed to be the only way he could do it. It felt as though the pain, anger, sadness, and distress came out in thick whisps as if they were demons harboring his soul and being banished out of his body. Changbin couldn't describe the way it felt, but it hadn't been a bad feeling.

 

Soon, his throat gave out and his lungs begged for air, and Changbin fell to his knees. His body felt weak but relieved. So, he kneeled there, staring over the city and he could have sworn he felt the brush of chalky lips against his forehead and a hand gripping his shoulder for a split second. But Changbin was alone on that hill with his grandmother's ashes on the ground beside him. The box had opened when it hit the ground, some of her ashes spilling out onto the ground, and Changbin picked it up gingerly. "Sorry, Nana." Changbin croaked out and stood up onto his own two, wobbly feet to spread them out amongst the hill.

 

Changbin didn't stay long, but he felt at peace on his way home that fine afternoon and no longer dreaded the sight of the yellow and white Victorian house. In fact, his chest bubbled knowing Chan was inside and waiting for him with open arms and maybe even warm food as well.

  


Timid, but loud knocks rapped at the Han-Hwang residence on an April afternoon. The person on the outside of the door bounced anxiously on the balls of his feet at the sound of multiple people inside, laughing and talking without a care in the world. Jisung and Hyunjin had managed to win custody over their little boy that day and Chan wished he had been able to go to the trial, but that's not why he had been at the after party though. It took a few knocks and minutes for the door to swing open, a smiling, bright-eyed Jisung sparing back at him with apparent shock in his eyes. "Channie hyung!" Jisung greeted, surging forward to clasp the elder in a warm hug. Chan let out a low laugh and wrapped the younger up in his strong arms with equal happiness.

 

"I was hoping I could speak with you…" Chan trailed off shyly when they parted, Jisung's light-hearted expression turning into a serious one and the younger nodded before shutting the door behind him. The two stood on the apartment balcony awkwardly as Chan tried to put together his words. "Firstly, Changbin and I want to apologize that we weren't able to make it to the trial today. He's sick and dying, and I'm stuck dealing with the business since he hasn't been able to be there." Jisung simply waved him off with a small smile and uttered that it was okay. "That's relieving. I wanted to wait until after the trial to talk to you about this but I just wanted you to know that I listened to your tracks and watched your dance videos. You're really good." Jisung sucked in a deep breath. "I want to sign you on a contract, work with you."

 

The way Jisung's eyes lit up was beautiful, and something told Chan that this was probably the best day of the poor boy's life. Jisung threw his arms around Chan's shoulders and buried his face into the elder's shoulder. Chan could feel a wet patch grow on his jacket there. "Thank you so much. You won't regret it."  Jisung sobbed into his shoulder and Chan simply chuckled and rubbed soothing circles into the man's back. Soon, Jisung pulled away, gently wiping his tears away with the side of his hands and sniffling. "Do you want to stay? Come inside and join? I could send some food home with you for Changbin." Jisung offered, with sparkling eyes and wobbling lips. Chan smiled sadly and shook his head.

 

"No, no, I need to get be getting home. I need to make sure Changbin is just taking a nap and not actually dead." Chan informed, and Jisung took note of the fondness in the music producer's voice.

 

"Well… Stay here. I want you to meet him." Jisung ordered and Chan couldn't bring himself to argue. He had been wanting to meet the little boy for a while. Jisung escaped back inside, but instead of coming out with a small body, he came out with a familiar raven-haired man as well who looked ready to kill but softened when he saw that it was Chan. Hyunjin carefully set the fox-eyed boy that was clinging to him like a monkey on the ground but the little boy was quick to cling to Jisung's legs out of fright. Jisung laughed fondly and weaved his fingers through Jeongin's hair. "Jeongin, this is Chan. Say hi." Jisung coaxed. The little boy peeked his head around Jisung's leg and eyed Chan wearily.

 

Chan kneeled down so he was eye level with the boy, offering him a warm, dimpled smile and open arms. Jeongin surged forward suddenly, wrapping his arms around the man's neck and holding him close. Chan was always a comfort zone, and even kids knew that. "Hi, innie." Chan murmured, rubbing his hair as Hyunjin and Jisung watched the two fondly. "You happy to be home?" Chan wondered when Jeongin pulled his face out of the elder's neck to look him in the eye. Jeongin nodded his head enthusiastically. "That's good. Treat them nicely, for Uncle Channie." Chan urged firmly and Jeongin grinned and nodded. "Good." And then Jeongin was back on Hyunjin's hip and receiving sloppy cheek kisses from Jisung. "I really do need to be going, I have to make sure Changbin is still alive and not swamped in a pool of his own snot." Chan rolled his eyes. "But congratulations you two, you guys deserve this."

 

"Thank you, Channie Hyung. Thank you for giving Jisung this opportunity." Hyunjin uttered gratefully and Chan only patted his back with a grin. Hyunjin and Jeongin escaped back into the apartment and left Chan and Jisung on the balcony alone once more.

 

"How is he?" Jisung uttered after a moment and Chan sighed.

 

"He's doing better. He's sick right now, but he's doing a lot better than he was. He recovered a lot quicker than I had expected him to." Chan murmured, playing with the ring wrapped around his pinky. "But that's Changbin for you, a strong little shit with a snarl." Jisung couldn't miss the genuine love in his eyes and just had to ask, as the last time he spoke to changbin, the two hadn't been that serious yet.

 

"Do you love him?" Jisung blurted before he could think, but didn't back down, especially when Chan flinched. Chan didn't miss a beat.

 

"Yes. I do." And then it was quiet. Jisung let out a breath of relief.

 

"That's… That's really good. You're the best thing that's ever happened to him and it would be really disappointing if you didn't see him in the same light." Jisung smiled weakly and all Chan could do was match that smile.

 

"Trust me, Sungie. Changbin is the only reason I'm still around right now." And then Chan left. He got into his car and drove home with a giddy feeling in his chest.

 

It hadn't taken long for Chan to pull into the driveway of the yellow and white Victorian house that had been spruced up a tiny bit and practically hurl himself out of the car. He tried to remain calm and collected with the bag of ingredients in his palm as he unlocked the door. "Hyung?" Changbin croaked from upstairs loudly, squirming his way up from his grandmother's old bed, now claimed by him and Chan, and stumbled down the stairs. Chan was too busy setting the bags down on the counter to notice Changbin had climbed out of bed and met him in the kitchen. Arms slipped around Chan's waist from behind, the man jumping at the sudden touch but scowling once he realized Changbin was out of bed.

 

Chan turned in Changbin's arms but softened up when he saw his messy hair, colored face, a baggy hoodie that belonged to Chan, sweatpants and fuzzy yellow socks. "Hey. You feeling better?" Chan wondered, combing his fingers through Changbin's hair when the younger rested his forehead against his shoulder. Changbin nodded. "That's good. But you still shouldn't be out of bed until you're 120% better." Chan scolded but Changbin only responded with a snort.

 

"Yeah right." Changbin moved too much, had to pace regularly, so it was unrealistic for Changbin to be in bed for more than a few hours at a time. "How was your day." He breathed, separating himself from the elder and hoisting himself up on the counter.

 

"Stressful. But I stopped by Jisung's on the way home. He's signed." Changbin grinned from ear to ear, now understanding why Chan's shoulder had been wet earlier. "Yeah. That was him. But I met Jeongin. He's a sweet kid." Chan hushed and the two stared at each other for a moment. When Chan was hugging Jeongin, the only thing he could think about was having kids with Changbin, right in this house. Changbin flickered his eyes down when Chan met him with an intense, but loving gaze. Chan wanted him to look at him when he said this, so slipped between his thighs and hooked a finger under his chin. "But when I was holding him… all I could think about is you. Us. With a kid." The last part was hesitant, quiet and barely heard but Changbin… Changbin almost didn't believe that.

 

"You… you really want that?" Changbin questioned, with hope but bracing himself for Chan to laugh in his face and tell him no. That Chan didn't want a future with him. But instead, Chan's finger moved to his jawline and his whole palm cupped the skin there.

 

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?" Changbin swiped his tongue across the bottom of his lips and the two connected their lips. "I love you."

 

"And I love you."

 

Chan made lemon cookies that night, tasting like the ones Nana made, and Changbin almost cried his eyes out. Turns out the secret ingredient truly had been love, as the two made them together, and snuggled on the couch afterward watching movies.

 

It would hurt for a while… but at least Changbin had Chan.

  


In the distance, Chan and Changbin could see people gathering around a storefront on the street, grinning to themselves when they realized that it had been the place they were going. The two managed to squirm their way through the small crowd of people and break inside the photo gallery. Changbin held Chan's hand tightly until he saw Jisung in the corner, watching Hyunjin go around and talk to people about his work with a fond smile. "This is great. I'm glad so many people showed up." Changbin uttered to Jisung with a smile, the younger nodding his head.

 

"He deserves this. So much. He works so hard and he's wanted this for so long." Jisung murmured, never tearing his eyes away from his partner for even a moment. "How are you two? Still looking for kids?" Jisung arched an eyebrow and Changbin sighed and nodded.

 

"We just can't seem to find one that clicks with us, you know? We're starting to give up hope." Changbin muttered sadly, but Jisung was quick to grip his shoulder and rub it soothingly.

 

"You can't give up so easily, hyung. You'll find them. I know you will." Jisung swore, but Changbin wasn't hopeful. "Oh, more cookies! We were about to run out." Jisung screeched in delight when he saw the tuple wear of fresh lemon cookies in Changbin's hands. A laugh echoed as Jisung ripped it from Changbin's grip and began to stack them upon the older ones with a bright smile. It hadn't taken long for Hyunjin to come up behind him and start being all lovey-dovey. So, with a cup of _strawberry lemonade_ , Changbin wandered off in interest. Hyunjin truly was as talented as Jisung claimed him to be.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see a body storm past him, Changbin recognizing the figure as Jeongin's longtime friend, Seungmin, and watched him leave. The man was intrigued, wanting to go after him, but he didn't receive the chance as Chan slipped in beside him and wrapped an arm around his waist. "He's talented." Chan grinned, looking over all of the pictures and Changbin nodded, taking a sip of the strawberry lemonade in hand.

 

"Did you talk to Jeongin?"

 

"Yeah. He's coming in Saturday for an evaluation."

 

"You going to be able to handle two Hwang's in the business?" Changbin quirked an eyebrow up in amusement. Chan just shrugged.

 

"We're in this together, baby. So, are you ready?"

 

Changbin grinned up at him, pressing a gentle kiss to his jawline. "As long as you're there to hold me at night, I'm ready for anything."

  
  
  
[[Moodboard](https://twitter.com/atumun15/status/1043244040559501313)]


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